UnHoly Motives

Much to the relief of my mom, Uncle Charlie’s sister, he started going to church again. That means of course that he’s back in the good graces of the ladies of the family. I suspected something was going on when I heard about it but decided to wait and let him tell me himself.

Sure enough, he wrote me a letter. How anyone who shakes that much can hit a dove with a .410 is beyond me. His letters are always short and to the point. This one was no exception.

“Dear Birdhunter,

The new preacher is a good one. He’s got a pretty little pointer and a .28 gauge Parker! Can you come Saturday?

Yore Uncle”

I couldn’t so I dropped him a quick postcard.

The next week I got another letter. Here’s the gist of it.

“Me and the preacher had a good time last week. We killed five woodcock and sixteen birds. His dog is as good as Mack at finding singles. Are you coming Saturday?”

I had to cancel at the last minute. I got another letter the next week.

“Me and the Rev. mowed em down Saturday. Six woodcock and twenty one birds. He can shoot rings around you. Reminds me of myself when I was young. And that little dog of his is mighty fine. This is your last chance. I ain’t gonna bother you no more.”

Again it was impossible to get away. So I waited for his letter all week. When it came it was longer than usual.

“I don’t know what-in-the-h___ is wrong with these Baptists down here. They ran the preacher off last Sunday. Claimed he hunted too much. Can you believe that? I’m done with ‘em. Me and the widow are going to start going over to the Methodist Church.

P.S. The preacher gave me his gun and dog. Are you coming?"

I unplugged my phone and left, right then.

I can't believe it. This wouldn't have happened if that preacher hadn't gotten fired. I'm taking advantage of another brother's misfortune. But do I feel guilty?

Nope. All I'm wondering is how that little .28 gauge is going to shoot.

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